Wohaa,
in 12 hours it will be the new year ;D

I can't believe it, this years gone so unbeliveablty fastt
its unreal
its like a blurr,
it seems like only yesterday that i was at the prom dress shop with My best friend
trying on big princess dresses
and when i was sat with all the people i cared about in the laughing buddha, for my birthday
it honestly seems like just a day ago.
And even though i keep pointing out to everyone how shit this years been
really, i shouldn't be complaining.
I'm pretty lucky,
I just take things for granted and don't relise how lucky i really am.
I guess its just because its one of them things y'knoww, you always remember the bad and never the good.
But really, i shouldn't because i just end up seriously upsetting myself.

I mean don't get me wrong, this years been hard.
really  hard and points.
But i wouldn't have got past any of it if it wasn't for the people i  have in my life right now.


ahhh tbc.

Well I have to say it's been a while, but i thought i'd come back and start using this again
because lately everythings been a joke, and i don't think anyone understands.
I don't know if i want them to understand.
Everyone knows i moan far to much about the littlest things, and then when it comes down to the serious stuff, they've had enough.
I guess its my own fault.
but i really need someone right now, Just as i manage to pick myself up something knocks me right back down again.
I won't namedrop but im sure if you're clever you can figure it out.
but basically, ever since "he" came along, things have got worse and worse.
I swear someone somewhere must just be stood laughing at the pathetic joke of a life i have.
Just as i think i've finally found someone decent, that perfect person "he" turns like the rest of them.
A Twat.
No wait, that would be an understatement. I dont think i could even find a word that would closely describe how much of a lowlife he is..

It all started so perfect, like a fairytale.
he came along when i really needed him, and he was everything i had said i'd ever wanted in a boy.
It happend really quick but it just seemed right.
But then things soon got weird, he seemed to be crazy about me, and i wasn't so.
Don't get me wrong, but as far as i remember, it takes a while to fall in love with somoene and he seemed to be immediatly.
but then Over night he turned nasty.
just started being in a bad mood and took it out on me.
and then things took a turn for the worse, and i ended it.

I know that doesn't seem like a problem, but it is.
Its not what happened here, but what happened after.
Its like he changed, changed into someone totaly different.
it was like everyday he was a different person, and his excuses would change along with it.
whenever i asked him why he was a twat, it was a different excuse.
most likely different ways of making himself look better.
 
Each day if changed from

"I still Love you, but we can't be together right now"

to
"I only see you as a friend, i think it is forever"

then
"I lied to you, i never really liked you"

and then just when i think i've been through it all he turns round and has the cheek to call me harsh.
Yeah thats right, him telling me he lied to me and didnt actually like me, was me being harsh.
Oh  my bad.
silly me, should've known.
I can honestly say i've never broken down like the way i did with him.
its as if he goes out of his way to annoy me, when i've done nothing wrong.
I tried so hard with him, did everything i could to make him happy.
& I know it was only two weeks but thats besides the point.
If we'd ended it there and then, no fuss, no lies, just a simple break up i'd be fine.
But itd the fact that  after it all he continues to upset me..
And i dont actually think he cares
even two weeks after its over, i try and be civil with him and he says he never wants to see me again
and posts digs about me on his myspace.
&I honestly can't see what i've done wrong.
and it's really getting to me
I dont let anyone see it though.
Like i said, i already moan to much.
But i dont get what i've done wrong, i do everything i can do be nice to him and i get it shoved back in my face.
and its as if i cant do anything anymore because im scared of whats coming next.
I cant even be in the same room as him without shaking because im so nervous.
i just want it to be over, im over it so why cant he be.
Im pretty happy to forget everything, i just want him to stop taking digs at me because i've done fuck all wrong to him.
and i actually don't deserve this.
It's knocked me back so much.
And i just don't know what to do anymore, i've tried everything now.
hes everywhere and i just cant get away from him and his pathetic little digs at me.
I dont think he realises that nobody thinks hes clever.
just a stupid lowlife.
Nobody treats anyone the way i've been treated.
I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
hes 16, he should grow up, seriously.
the level of maturity is one of a 7 year old school child.
Its driving me crazy.
I'm just hoping that someone will come and save me.
because it seems to me that my lifes becoming a repeat, knock back after knock back.
You know, everyone have a good laugh at Demi.
She can take it, it doesnt matter how she feels.
Well it fucking does :|
And I need somone.

I just have nobody.





And for once in my life, it'd be nice to have somone to listen, and for someone to honestly say "I Love you".

Ah man i need a Holiday :|
&I miss Holly.
Its shit man.

Well My first blog.
I guess i set this up, in truth because i felt like none of my friends really understand.
I try to talk to them about things, but lately people are so happy tucked up in the safe little bubble of their own lives that nobody else seems important, and you just merge into their everyday routines. 
Like clockwork.
So i therefore feel i need to write everything down and let it all out before explode and do something ridiculous.
Thus the creation of my live journal.

Lately, i can't find a place in life where i fit in.
I can move through friendship groups, find new hobbies, dress differently or find a new area to hang out but inside i feel like im living someone elses life.
I feel as if i belong somewhere else.
Because nothing makes sense to me anymore, and slowly im drifting away from everything i ever knew was right.
I guess i'm saying im thriving for someone to take me away, to somewhere new.
An adventure, a chance to just get away from it all.
Because i don't know if i want to stay stuck here anymore.

Now don't call me ungrateful, as that is what i'm not.
i'm infact incredibly greatful for everything in life.
I'm just not sure if i'm where i want to be right now.
I guess i just need change.